Seven Months Into the Pandemic and I’m…Desperate to have the house to myself.

 Pandemic + distance learning + husband working from home + pre-menopause= the perfect storm for this introvert who used to let out a deep, satisfied sigh after seeing everyone out the door in the morning and reveling in a blissfully empty, quiet house.  

I will add the obligatory disclaimer that of course I love my family to pieces, and there are definite advantages to seeing more of my kids, two of whom are rapidly approaching the ages at which they’ll graduate high school and move on.

And it’s nice to have my husband here, rather than jetting off on business trips every week. 

But seriously.

They are ALL here, in the house, ALL. THE. TIME. 

Did I mention that all three of my kids are boys, and two are teenagers? Teenage boys are loud, and at times a little stinky. And given that their younger brother is ten and is endlessly entertained by their obnoxiousness and crude jokes, they have that much more incentive to, well, be obnoxious.  

Being pre-menopausal has also exacerbated my current levels of anxiety and emotional upheaval. Some days I’m on the verge of screaming one minute, the next, I'm collapsing in a puddle of tears the next. I know that issue wouldn't be solved by being alone, but it would be infinitely easier to deal with if I weren't also being asked to find a lost phone charger, or help someone log into Zoom, or break up a fight over who gets to sit in which seat in the car.  

Other days I’m the Grinch, with my hands over my ears, yelling “...the noise, noise, noise, noise!” The loud noises, and the small noises. They’re all just too much sometimes.  I am particularly bothered by chewing sounds (google misophonia and you’ll understand). It’s gotten to the point that I have to leave the room when my kids eat cereal, and I only make spaghetti for dinner on nights that I know I will be out of the house.  

I should add again that I really do love them. Really. 

I should also add that I am extraordinarily fortunate that my husband gets all of this, and shoos me out of the house for alone time as often as possible. And I am also fortunate to be able to put on my running shoes and escape for an hour (or more!) several times a week.  

But there is something about having your house entirely to yourself. For me, it's both freeing and cozy at the same time. I wrap myself in the solitude.  My husband has been kind enough to give me the gift of taking the boys out on several occasions so that I've been able to have a few of those cozy afternoons in a quiet house.

And since they're less frequent these days, I’ve appreciated them even more.  Then they all come tumbling back through the door, as loud and raucous as ever, tossing their phones, shoes, and jackets everywhere except where they're supposed to be. 

While part of me winces at the disruption, there's also a little voice reminding me that there will be a day not too far off in the future when silence is the norm, and noisy disruption the exception - and as much as I crave that silence now, I know I will miss the noise when it's gone. 

I will miss it. Right?

Read more Seven Months into the Pandemic essays.

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